A common thing I hear in sessions is this core belief that people have surrounding asking for help. When we explore this, most people were taught this at a very young age, and the meaning behind it is weakness or the inability to figure it out by yourself, which must mean you’re incompetent. Society could be another reason why people have taken on this core belief. Society is always glorifying, self-reliant, and independent and somehow showcases asking for help as defeat. If we have a core belief surrounding asking for negative help, we’re saying that we should be perfect people. The problem with this unrealistic belief is that there is no such thing as perfect; we all need help, and not asking for it impacts us in many negative ways.
For the purpose of this article, I want us to change our perspective and shift to the positive aspects of asking for help in hopes that this will help you ask for the things that you need.
- It demonstrates strength. We’re taught that it shows weakness, but asking for health is a sign of strength. And I want to be clear, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it. Sometimes, it means I don’t have to do it by myself. Let’s say you’re having friends over, of course, and you could probably cater everything and set up and decorate by yourself. However, you could also ask friends to assist with some of these tasks so that you don’t tire yourself out or stress yourself out trying to do it all.
- It shows self-awareness. It shows that we recognize our limits when we need assistance and that asking for help is okay. I find it very common that many of my clients have ignored their needs and don’t pay attention to their bodily sensations or how they feel when they’re overwhelmed or stressed out. Self-awareness helps you start being aware of how you think and your limitations.
- It helps our mental health. A lot of clients that I see walking around with a lot of stress and anxiety surrounding things that they don’t have to do by themselves because they do have support by asking for what they need.
- It helps you to reframe your negative core belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness. When you change this behavior, you are now developing your definition of asking for help and highlighting that it is a sign of strength, not a weakness. It is so powerful for you to do that for yourself and start living by your core belief, not one that’s been projected onto you by society or other people.
Shareela Allen, LCSW