I know this might be a difficult concept to consider. Is this best for your family, but please, hear me out. The reality is, most of the time, we are staying in a marriage for the wrong reasons, one primarily being our children. We discount that children live in the home with us, and we forget that children hear and see more than we give them credit for. As a therapist who sees children, most of the children I’ve seen have been more traumatized by parents staying together than being separated simply because they are present and seeing the impact of the dysfunction, and oftentimes, they internalize it. I know the argument will be that when we separate, or if we separate, they will internalize it. Yeah, but the difference is that those behaviors will often improve over time because of a change, which will counter their notion that it’s their fault. Divorce is never an easy decision, but sometimes we have trouble accepting that it didn’t turn out as expected. We find reasons to stay together, which happens to be for our children, but we never consider the damage it does to them. We also must take time to grieve the loss of our family as we know it. This leads me to this question: Have you ever considered divorce the best decision for you and your children? If not, you might want to view it as one.
- Shareela Allen, LCSW