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Published:January 8, 2024

Projecting Regret Onto People

Have you been guilty of telling people to rekindle relationships, so they don’t regret it if something happens to that person? You might think you're helping, but you're often not. FYI, I hate this statement with all my heart. The reason is sometimes you have no idea of the pressure you're putting on the person you're making this statement to, along with expectations you're projecting onto someone not fully understanding the circumstances. Often, the people I see in session have no reason to rekindle the relationship because the person has caused too much trauma, hasn't changed, hasn't taken accountability for their actions, and isn't putting any effort into the relationship. The reality is there can be regret. I think there is confusion as to why there will be regret. People may regret there wasn't a relationship, things didn't change, they won't have that opportunity to grow the relationship, closure, they never got to tell their truth, etc. That is very true, but they should NEVER regret not having or rekindling a relationship or distancing themselves from someone who isn’t healthy for them. Instead of projecting, we should support people's decisions and allow them to make the decision that best supports them. Remember, this isn’t about YOU.

  • Shareela Allen, LCSW

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