Grief and loss doot have an expiration date. After the funeral, most will stop checking on the person grieving. The grief and loss continue after the funeral and become more real, which means people may need you to be present. The misconception is that people should move on, but who determines that? People move at their rate and we must be conscious of the stages of grief and loss which go and comes in waves. Consider what it’s like for THEM after such a loss. Don’t put your expectations on them and expect them to manage their grief how you have managed your grief in the past. Instead, treat them based on their experience and be supportive. 

Consider someone who loses a parent. They may have to assist with funeral arrangements. They may also have to deal with any personal affairs or assistance following the death which can include; their items and other personal items, creditors, banking, vehicle, finances, Will, court, etc. These are things that we often don't take into consideration. Below are some ways you can continue to be supportive

Here is how you can help:

• Think before you speak
• Call them
• Listen, and only listen, you can't fix this
• Tell them you're there for them without judgment
• Reassure them they are not a burden
• Ask them how they're doing and ask for a feeling (happy, sad, angry, anxious, etc.,)
• Help them to create new traditions
• Respect their space
• Take them out
• Offer to tag along
• Offer to help with sorting items
• Make them laugh
• Continue to be a good friend
• Encourage therapy whether you believe in it or not

Another time people may also need you to pull up on them is during the holidays and the anniversary of their loved one. This may include; all the holidays, Valentine's Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, anniversaries, birthdays, their birthday, etc., These days make the weight of the loss heavier because they are not sharing it with their loved one.

-Shareela Allen, LCSW