This is not a blog about judgment but rather, about gaining clarity. If you are two consenting ADULTS who wish to be in an open relationship, do you. However, if you are using the title of an open relationship to repeat the same behaviors you were engaging in while you were in a committed relationship; someone in this relationship should reevaluate their situation. Let me give you an example:

Tom and Tina are in a committed relationship.

Tom consistently cheats on Tina.

Tina is frustrated with Tom's cheating.

Tom suggests that they should have an open relationship.

Tina has never explored her sexuality with a woman.

Tina agrees.

Tom brings in the woman he previously cheated on Tina with.

Tina is angry.

Tom wonders why Tina is angry because she agreed to the open relationship. 

Tina decides she wants to bring a person of interest into the relationship

Tom is on board. 

Tina brings her ex-boyfriend.

Tom says this is not what he signed up for and that Tina has lost her mind.

Tina is now confused.

Tom and Tina are broken up and miserable

Tom tries this again in his new relationship

Same outcome

An open relationship requires EVERYONE to be aware of EVERYTHING that is happening within the relationship. Honesty and transparency are paramount. If your relationship lacks honesty while you are monogamous, it will not gain honesty when you add another party into the relationship. An open relationship is not a pass to cheat nor is it limited to sexual preference. Every party involved has to be clear about what they are doing and communicate areas of concern with each other. If you are tired of your partner cheating on you, don’t open your relationship to another person as a means to save your relationship. It will not. It will end in regret and heartbreak. Rather, spend some time with yourself, go to therapy, and pick up a new hobby, so you can be your best self for YOU and be open to any relationship where you chose the dynamic of the relationship and are not in it by default. I know this is not a popular topic, but I stand by the abovementioned. This is happening, so I will talk about it. 

Written by Natasha Thomas, LMFT