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Published:January 4, 2023

Your inability to release control is why you're resentful.

Something that is common is that when you are having children you now are two people who have to come together to parent. As women, we take the lead in parenting. But do we have to? For the purpose of this blog we are speaking of women who have a significant other to assist them in parenting. 

I hear in session that women struggle to relinquish control of their expectations of the father and like things done their way. Here is the problem with that, why is your way the right way? The answer is IT IS NOT, it's just your preference and the father also will have his way of doing things which should also be respected. When you don't work on relinquishing control you will find yourself resentful, burned out and angry because you're doing it all. It also can lead to your partner being defensive and not asking for help because of your reaction, criticism and judgment. It doesn’t have to be that. Let me be clear, I'm not suggesting you ignore any safety issues and don't bring up concerns. What I am suggesting is that you take a step back and reevaluate your reaction to things and how you speak to your partner. 

Here are some tips of managing your anxiety with relinquishing control

  • Step away when the father is doing task that triggers you and engage in something you enjoy (exercise, television, call a friend, leave the home, go take a bath, journal, take a nap, etc)
  • Refrain from redoing things that aren’t done how you like it. If it is not a safety issue, let it go
  • Take a step back and think before responding. You want to respond NOT react 
  • Pick your battles 
  • Be intentional about the desire to change. This means you have to be willing to do the above mentioned to change your behavior

Shareela Allen, LCSW

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